Stranger in Rome

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Hello, my little night readers ( I am saying this cause… oh well, it’s past midnight). Here I am, once again, trying to kick ideas out of my head. I guess the topic for this post will be “no topic at all”, since I want to write but inspiration has a funny way of proving that “art” isn’t like a popcorn bag ( you know, 3 minutes, microwaves, bla ). Ok, I’ve got four lines so far, so I might just add a few extra words to have this 5th line ( couldn’t hurt ) …. Lots of () today. Ok. I will stop that.

So, as you already know, I am now living in Rome. This makes me both happy and sad, cause I left a lot of things behind for a so-called brighter future. The thing about changing your life is that you don’t know what to expect. Expectations bring disappointment, disappointment brings depression, and depression stops you from evolving. I think what I’m trying to say is that you have to be a hell of a strong person to find the courage to proceed. The curious thing about me writing this post is that I am not upset, I simply chase facts as a grown up. I know there has to be something out there for me and if that takes time… oh well, I am 22 (ok, fine, soon to be 23 ) so time is pretty much everything I’ve got right now 🙂 .

This isn’t a page of a lame diary, as it may sound. I am hoping to encourage other hopeless bastards as well, not just myself. I want to encourage my beloved friends, not to feel down anymore. I love you guys, and I am waiting for you to visit ASAP. I want to encourage my mother by letting her know I can still make things happen and even though I’ve changed my ways over the years, I still have the same dreams for myself, and I still want to accomplish them. I want to inspire a generation, and let you guys know that mistakes can stop from being a pattern ( hell, I should know ), if anything, mistakes should be the cause for changing your lives. My mistakes brought me here ( one of them being trusting people too much ) so I know all about it. It’s not easy, otherwise we’d all be warriors, bankers, astronauts, doctors and some of us even princes or other royal stuff. All I’m saying is… if you are in doubt, maybe you should reconsider preeeetty much everything and start acting in such a way, that you’ll feel happier about waking up in the morning. Oh my, I guess I really had a topic after all.

That’s amore

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How do you know when you are having or had a great day ? Oh, that’s easy. You just have to rewind and see whatever brings more goosebumps to you. For me, it was yesterday. I have started my day with salt in my coffee ( honest mistake ) and ended it reminders of why am I here.

They say ” When in Rome, do what romans do “. I couldn’t agree more, because I actually noticed that romans really enjoy a tourist experience once in a while, they never get tired of loving the tiny streets who will eventually lead you to an unstoppable smile. It may all sound cheesy, but if this is amore, I will live with it.

You know it’s a great day when you took two steps and then stopped walking because you saw IT.  I don’t have words for it, the Colosseum brings fascination only when you look at pictures of it,

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not to mention when you see it for real. Everyone should take a personal picture of the Colosseum, my picture only contains a part of it, because the rest is well kept in my heart. That’s Amore !

 

You know your day is still great, when you enter this magical place. I am of course, talking, about Piazza Navona. This is where art starts living.

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You can see people trying to make a living out of it, but it’s all so well done, that you just have to stop and stare. You can’t just pass them by, if anything, some of these artists will make you want to stay there forever. Unfortunately, this picture doesn’t make Piazza Navona any justice, so I guess you will just have to check it for yourselves 🙂 When people express their talent in front of you… That’s Amore !

Moving on to our great day. You know it’s still awesome, when you start seeing things in your future, but not in a Nostradamus kind of way, but in a “the future is bright” way.

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These lovely restaurants never stopped me from dreaming. I have always wanted to come here with a special person, someone who knows exactly how lovely it is to sit there and enjoy the view ( cheesy, like I mentioned earlier ) . Art on the street, art on the plate, and more importantly, the art created between two people who know…. That’s Amore !

Your day will eventually come to an end, so you know it’s ending in a great way when you are craving for this.

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When mint gets exploited by tiny chocolate chips, you definitely know it’s Amore.

I have to mention that I spent my day in only one spot, Rome is full of beauty and I will certainly come back with more posts to reveal its places. Rome wasn’t built in a day and you can sure enjoy a lifetime loving its details.

So yes, my day was pretty great and I am thankful for it’s just a start of what’s next. I have been so angry with my departure and these changes, that I forgot to enjoy what used to bring me happiness before. Rome. I am sorry, my beautiful Rome. I never meant to underestimate your way of making someone happy and I want you to know that I will do my best to keep this fire alive, cause you know what? That’s what Amore is all about.

 

Dorian Grey. Because grey is better than black or white

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 In order to learn italian, I always push myself to watch a movie every night, one in italian that is, and I have to say, last night’s choice couldn’t make me happier. I’ve been meaning to watch this one but somehow I haven’t, until last night. I am of course, talking, about Dorian Grey ( the 2009 version ). I know it’s not the only one, but it was the only version I had. So here I am, simply amazed!  Why amazed ? It is quite simple, as mister Dorian Grey was nothing but a simple human being lost in a lustful life. Once you get a taste of the forbidden fruit, don’t you want to eat the whole thing, eventually ? I am ashamed to say I haven’t read the book, but I sure do intend now, I bet Oscar Wilde has a lot more to say than a simple movie does.

                           For those of you who don’t know it, Dorian Grey is a young man who wants to preserve his youthful beauty eternally, after seeing his portrait and having regrets he won’t be able to keep that moment forever. Somehow ( I think we all know how ) , he manages to keep the beauty and the youth, while his painting would gradually reveal what the wild years do to him, revealing his inner ugliness. 

                           So I have to ask you, aren’t we all craving for our best years to last forever ? Don’t we all want to have what seems to be the best thing you’ve ever lived ? How many of you have had regrets when good moments, that you can’t go back to, have faded away ? Don’t you want to live forever whatever it’s meant to make you happy ? Don’t we all sell our souls, somehow, in order to have what we want ? If not part of a ritual, part of a daily routine. We work to have a good living, to go somewhere we love, to travel, to afford the good stuff, isn’t it ? We give up on hours and hours of sleep, feeling dreadful, all that to go out and feel alive, cause we are young, aren’t we ? We change location, we change our mind, we change our friends, we even change our attitude if it’s called for.

                          Aren’t we all in for a chain of sacrificies ? Isn’t Dorian Grey in every single one of us ? Of course, we are all free to choose the life we want, I am not talking about debauchery, but the choices we make in order to have something. What we are living at the moment, is a reverse process of Dorian Grey. We can watch ourselves in pictures, thinking about what has changed, seeing wrinkles and shades of happy smiles. Everything is changing, but you don’t have to. Don’t let the ghost of your past tell you that you didn’t make it well. You are what you are, and most importantly, you are here now. If it makes you happy, keep doing it. If not… you can move away from it. You’re a bird, not a tree. 

Virtual sanity

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“The scariest thing about distance is you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget about you”. I wanted to start this post with a quote from this movie I truly love and I am sure I can’t be the only one ( The notebook ) . I don’t intend to talk about love, at least not the kind of love that created such a movie. No, I wanted to talk about the love for a place and the people living there. I always thought I belonged somewhere else, but not where I used to live. Fear of leaving it all behind was only increased by the fear of the unknown. Also known as… Rome. La città eterna. I have always wanted to live here, but I was never ready to make this fortunate change ( or so I think). I didn’t accomplish much in one month, but I do know that my thoughts are trickier than the weather at the moment.

One thing I learned is that I left having, let’s say, 10 friends and now I ended up with maybe the same amount, but the names have changed a bit. I received support from people who don’t really know me. People whose voices I have never heard in real life, supported my choices and never,not for a second, told me to fold. I’ve been ecouraged to move on, not to go back. I’ve been ecouraged to try harder, not to let go. I’ve been told it will get better, not that it will be harder and harder. I also found out from them that I can make friends anywhere. Another interesting thing is that they don’t expect me to quit. Did I mention these guys don’t know me like my real friends do ?

I won’t blame my friends from home… But hear this : the best advices in the world you will only get from those who’ve never touched you. They are the ones who won’t be selfish when helping you to make a choice. They are the ones who will never allow you to be alone, cause you guys live in different time zones 🙂 There is always someone out there for you. And, of course, if everything fails… They are the ones who can’t be mad at you for too long, especially when it comes to a tricky person like myself.

SPECIAL THANKS TO : Amine ( you are my hero ), Pablo ( Guns n Roses isn’t the same without you, amigo ), Benjamin ( you are the proof that time doesn’t increase the quality of a friendship ), Aditya ( I will call this an adventure for you ), Tavi (  you know you’re special, you asshole ), A++ ( you are one big hater, man…), Oti ( thank you for making my days brighter) and Diana, my best friend Diana. There are no words to measure this friendship.

 

 

Scumpa demoazela… partea a II-a

         

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               Mi-am amintit ca m-am trezit urat de tot, asa ca o sa continui sa ii fac viata un calvar demoazelei. Am punctat niste capitole esentiale in vanatoarea distinsei, insa am impresia ca nu e suficient. Cred ca m-a apucat frenezia in urma sustinerii primite. Multumesc, multumesc, sunteti geniali ! Continuam, zic. 

             Care este habitatul natural al gazelei noastre urbane? Cum, nu stii care?!   Mall-ul ! Acolo isi bea cafeaua, acolo isi face piata, acolo isi da check-in si tot de acolo isi cumpara colanti. O sa observi cum se uita imprejur, sa observe fete cunoscute sau potentiali zurgalai care sa ii cante in struna. Zurgalaul cu pricina trebuie sa fie atasat la ceva autovehicul smecher, sa vada si prostii aia dinaintea lui in ce masina urca ea si din ce masina coboara. 

              Trecand mai departe, peste supermasina si accesoriul sau, maharul de bulevard, ne oprim in dreptul statuii pe care trebuie sa i-o ridici domnisoarei ! Ea vrea sa fie apreciata, ascultata, luata in brate, trezita cu mic dejun, inconjurata de flori, rasfatata cu hainute si cadouri, mesaje, telefoane, iesiri surpriza, treburi d-astea spontane inventate de Hollywood. Sa nu o inseli, pentru ca o sa ii ranesti sentimentele ! Sa nu ii verifici facebook-ul ! Sa nu cochetezi cu ideea de a parasi-o pentru o tipa mai buna ! Sa nu indraznesti sa iti schimbi atitudinea fata de ea ! Las-o pe ea sa faca toate astea, e priceputa si tacticoasa. Ah, era sa uit. Nu uita sa fii bun la pat!

             

                       Acelea dintre voi care va simtiti vizate… fetelor, uneori imi lasati impresia ca meritati sa vi se spuna “frumoas-o”. 

 

 P.S.  NU contest faptul ca exista femei minunate si barbati pe masura, sau invers. E doar un pamflet.

Scumpa demoazela…

                                                                 princessesbadrolemodels1

                Astazi m-am trezit plina de nervi. Ca dracu’, daca vrei. Si ca orice om nervos, trebuia sa descarc undeva toata energia negativa. Asa ca am venit aici. Pentru cele ce urmeaza, recomand sa nu fii parvenita, aspiranta, labila psihic sau usor complexata de statutul pe care ti-l ofera societatea. Daaaa, astazi ma voi dedica fetelor !
Am observat ca domnisoarele din proximitatea mea isi doresc lucruri frumoase, iesiri in oras, cariere de succes si eventual cat mai multi admiratori. Nimic anormal, pana aici. Aveti idee, domnisoarelor, in ce moment incepe sa imi pulseze frenetic vena aia de la tampla ? In momentul in care deschideti gura. Pretentiile voastre imi provoaca migrene. Si repet, nu e nimic rau in a avea pretentii, dar fetelor, daca ultima carte citita a fost de fapt un tabloid, despre ce vorbim aici ?!
Demoazela mea draga, imi permiti sa te intreb ceva ? Iti doresti un tip inteligent, cu o vasta cultura generala, pe cat posibil, si pe care ” sa il duca capul “. Daca tipul asta ar folosi cuvantul “irefutabil” intr-o discutie cu tine, nu-i asa ca te-ai simti usor jignita? Adica cum adica, nu ii par atragatoare?! Buuuun. Pesemne ca inteligenta nu este indeajuns, cu siguranta vrei sa aiba si o situatie materiala destul de buna, incat sa isi permita placerile tale care curg garla, neindestulata mica. Nu are importanta ca tu muncesti opt ore pe zi ca sa nu acoperi nici macar chiria, ti-ai dorit independenta si fix asta ai. Scumpa mea, dar tu nu te vei opri aici. Nu, iti vei dori mai departe un fizic de piatra, un Adonis sculptat in carne si oase, pentru ca si tu, la randul tau, esti o mica zeita esuata la malul marii. Ce spui tu acolo? Vrei sa se imbrace bine? Desigur, sunt convinsa ca isi va asorta la fix outfiturile cu cele doua perechi de colanti pe care le porti strasnic, impreuna cu gentuta aia draguta a ta. Vezi ca are fermoarul stricat. Nu-i nimic, stai linistita, n-a vazut nimeni. Cum ? Mai spune o data, ca nu te-am inteles. Ah, vorbesti despre tipul ala pe care nu dadeai doi bani in trecut? Cum adica te-ai razgandit? Ah, inteleg, ai auzit de la X ca e mai potent decat crezi, din toate punctele de vedere. Ce zici tu, are bani? Da, inteleg ca nu l-ai remarcat pana acum, gesturile romantice si ochii frumosi sunt pentru oameni fara viitor, da. A, vrei sa ii dai o sansa? Da, te inteleg perfect.
De fapt, stii ce? Nu te inteleg deloc. Nici pe tine si nici pe tine. Voi, cucoane de oras,  nu   v-ati saturat sa pretindeti lucruri la nivelul carora ajungeti numai cu imaginatia? In sinea ta, stii ca singura sansa de reusita e sa pui mana pe un astfel de tip, un mahar cu acte in regula. Nu poti pe cont propriu. Pentru ca tu nu esti ceea ce vrei sa obtii de la el. Mai bine lucreaza la propria persoana, in loc sa ii “lucrezi” pe altii. Aviz.

Pe el nu-l impart cu nimeni

                          Nu. Gandul asta il voi tine numai pentru mine. De ce ? Pentru ca am ghinionul fantastic de a-mi scapa lucrurile printre degete, atunci cand ma cuprinde incantarea. Si incep sa vorbesc, si vorbesc, si detaliez. Am ajuns la concluzia ca atunci cand imparti un gand fericit cu cineva, se formeaza un cumul de energie negativa. Gandurile celorlalti uneltesc impotriva dorintelor tale. Cei ce au patit-o ma vor intelege. Nu vorbi unui om despre planurile tale, s-ar putea sa isi doreasca sa primesti contrariul, doar asa, pentru ca se poate. De aceea, pe el nu il impart cu nimeni. 

                           El. Miraj. E un zambet, unul sincer. E o gluma buna, spusa la momentul potrivit. E fraza pe care ti-ai fi dorit sa o auzi de atatea ori. E disperarea care te cuprinde cand stii ca momentan nu poti atinge. El are un nume frumos, si un suflet pe masura. E omul pe care l-ai asteptat, si pe care inca il astepti. Il astepti sa se intample alaturi de tine, pentru ca acum stii ce vrei. Vrei privirea aia sincera, care are un gand nebun in spate. Gandul lui nebun il completeaza pe al tau si de multe ori, ti-o ia inainte. Te face sa te intrebi ” cum ai stiut asta ? ” . Bineinteles ca stie, altfel paragrafele astea nu isi aveau rostul.

                          Eu. Mirare. O sa pastrez zambetul secret. O sa-i protejez fraza frumoasa de urechile rauvoitoare. O sa ating in ciuda disperarii, si o sa am loc alaturi de el. Nu stiu cand si nu stiu cum. O sa ii tot spun pe nume, pentru ca imi place la nebunie cum suna. O sa-l privesc inapoi sa-i completez nebunia si o sa incetez sa mai pun intrebari, pentru ca am sa stiu sigur de ce se intampla. 

                         Noi. Nu este nevoie de niciun fel de completare.  

Nu-i frumos ce e frumos, e frumos ce-mi place mie

                 ” They say you don’t have to change yourself, the way you are, for anybody. But what if no one wants what you have to offer ? How happy are you going to be, if living with yourself is the best you can get ? And how happy are you going to be, if you are changing your ways for an exchange of emotions ? What if happiness isn’t provided by love and sharing things with a significant other, but having significant things you can achieve on your own ? We can decide what to wear, without looking for opinions, so why changing a whole person if there are so many choices ? “

                 Cam asa suna o postare de-a mea, de prin noiembrie. Nu stiu daca a fost astenie sau vreun individ grabit sa ma atentioneze, cert e ca ceva m-a starnit la momentul respectiv. Si revin asupra subiectului, parerea mea fiind aceeasi. Cum bine stim, oamenii stiu sa judece mai bine decat stiu sa lucreze la propria persoana. Si stiu asta, pentru ca am facut-o si eu la randul meu. Critica nu e o chestie tipic feminina, cum se aude. E o parere exprimata intr-un mod gresit, ba mai mult decat atat, este incercarea de a-ti impune propria parere atunci cand nu esti de acord cu a altuia. Evident, aici intervin si alti factori, printre care si diplomatia, dar nu despre asta vroiam sa vorbesc. 

                Gusturile sunt atat de impartite, incat poate nici nu vei avea timp sa incerci tot. Si nici ca ma poate bucura mai mult treaba asta. De ce? Pai cum de ce? Nu e interesant sa stii ca exista acel ceva care face diferenta intre tine si cel din stanga ta ? Dar nu este si mai interesant cand tu si cel din dreapta ta aveti un front comun ? Diferentele astea ne sorteaza si ne apropie, in aceeasi masura. Sunt detaliile care schimba desfasurarea actiunii, sunt motivul pentru care iti numeri prietenii pe degetele de la o mana ( din nou, ma bucura treaba asta. E obositor sa faci tuturor pe plac ). Sunt motivul pentru care pui punct, sau motivul pentru care pui virgula. Totul este dual si ai oricand ocazia sa alegi, de ce ai vrea sa imi fortezi mie mana cand ai putea la fel de bine sa strangi mana celui care te asteapta in partea opusa ? Say hello to my little friend : ECHILIBRU. 

Traim ca sa avem ce povesti

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                         Cati dintre noi stiu sa vorbeasca despre ceea ce iubesc ? Care sunt aceia care au pasiuni si prin prisma povestilor, te fac si pe tine sa te indragostesti de pasiunile lor? Prea putini. Ma gandesc acum la cei din randul prietenilor mei si am doar cateva nume in minte. Omul ar trebui sa fie o sursa continua de inspiratie, atat pentru sine, cat si pentru ceea ce zace dincolo de el.  E valabil si invers, omul ar trebui sa gaseasca o sursa de inspiratie in tot ceea ce il inconjoara. Exista un cuvant care defineste foarte simplu ultimele doua fraze: pasiune. In urma cu ceva timp, am scris un text care imi revine mereu in minte, de fiecare data cand “mi se aprind calcaiele” dupa ceva, cineva. Textul in cauza suna cam asa:

                         ”When I saw you for the first time, I knew what’s it like to hit a wall ; you walk like a blind man, waiting for a clue, and then the clue hits you so hard, you almost feel like getting your sight back. But that isn’t the sight, that’s the feeling of knowing you are capable of acknowledging the existance of a wall. Therefore, you need to accept you are a human being, one that knows it is dangerous to live and accepts the fact that some walls aren’t like that 9 and 3/4 platform “

                           La momentul respectiv, nu mi-am dat seama ca asta se aplica in orice situatie, in orice moment in care descoperi ca CEVA iti face placere. Acum inteleg. Un an mai tarziu, mi-am inteles propriile cuvinte. In general, nu imi place sa ma explic, dar voi face o exceptie in cazul asta, ca sa nu las impresia ca bat campii. Placerea nu vine fara asumarea riscurilor, insa nu degeaba o numesti asa. Posibil ca o parte din tine sa considere existenta mai usoara cand pasiunea inlocuieste banalul. Este modul de exprimare cel mai usor, sa stii ce iti place si sa faci un canal de comunicare din asta. Este acel lucru care da nastere unui debit verbal formidabil atunci cand esti intrebat “Tie ce iti place sa faci?”. Este genul de intamplare care te face sa iti doresti sa le impartasesti si altora “minunea” ta. E zambetul tau. Si nici nu este nevoie sa mi-l explici, daca stii cum sa zambesti. Imi doresc sa ma fi facut inteleasa.

                          Pot sa te intreb ceva? Tu ce faci? 

Once again…

 M-am tot gandit de-a lungul timpului sa fac treaba asta… Ce retineri am avut, habar nu am. Probabil mi-a fost teama ca nu voi fi consecventa. Sau chiar placuta, citita, apreciata si alte lucruri care intra in categoria temerilor atunci cand incepi un proiect nou. Trebuie sa recunosc ca am ceva emotii, nu imi sta in fire sa ma dau in spectacol sau sa ma expun in vreun fel.  Ideea este cat se poate de simpla: aveam nevoie de o ocupatie placuta, si cred ca tocmai am dat nastere uneia. Si aici nu ma refer la scris, ci la impartasitul unei idei. Imi amintesc cum de-a lungul timpului am citit diversi bloggeri si mi-am dorit sa am si eu, la randul meu, ceva de spus. Ei bine, nu stiu daca am toate cuvintele la mine, nu ma pot face inteleasa de toata lumea. Iubesc sa scriu, si e prima oara cand recunosc asta. Pana acum m-am oprit la “imi place”, dar imi plac multe lucruri, ori scrisul ma scoate din banal. Una dintre cele mai mari probleme pe care le-am intampinat de-a lungul timpului a fost alegerea de a scrie in limba engleza. Am fost rugata sa nu mai scriu in engleza, am fost intrebata de unde dau copy-paste. E greu sa crezi ca un om poate fi nationalist daca isi transcrie sentimentele in alta limba decat cea nativa.

         E greu sa intelegi ca sunt oameni care au privire de ansamblu, la fel de greu e sa pricepi de ce ma simt mai bine in engleza. Pentru ca ” fuck you “, de aceea. Nu vreau sa fiu inteleasa de toata lumea, cum nu vreau sa mananc aceeasi mancare zi de zi.E groaznic. Am nevoie de “a breath of fresh air” cum ai nevoie tu nevoie de o alimentatie diversificata. Tu nu ma intelegi in limba romana, ai impresia ca sufar de snobism. Eu am impresia ca esti astmatic. Inspira si alte culturi, vezi ce iese din tine in afara de CO2. Scoate-ti ochelarii si priveste imprejurul umerilor, s-ar putea sa nu fie atat de rau. 

        Am renuntat sa imi pese de acceptare si validare din partea altora. Fac ce-mi place, nu ce-ti place. Probabil fix asta nu iti place. 

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