Who’s gonna stop you ?

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Howdy, my little hustlers around the world and welcome to yet another episode of many to come. I just woke up so please excuse the small talk and the awful spelling, if I somehow forget to edit something. The reason I might forget to do so, is cause I want to share a great secret with you guys, which I am sure you already know, but maybe you need a reminder ( I first wrote rmneider, moving on ) so I am pretty excited to get ahead of this story.

You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and you feel super full of energy, like you could go hiking right away ? Yeah, me neither, but couldn’t hurt asking though. 

Well even if we don’t wake up wanting to move furniture around the house, there still might be a chance for us. You know what that is ? Happy thoughts. Yup. So let me explain it, instead of sounding like someone who had crack for the first time.

The first thing to do after you wake up isn’t necessarily playing some salsa ( haha ) but creating a trailer of your day that’s about to come. Or life, whatever. Just stay there for a few minutes, with your head down into your pillow, and fill your brain with positive thoughts and things that make you smile. We are very vulnerable before reality kicks in, so why not use it in our advantage ? 

“Count your blessings, not your problems” has never been close to my heart before. So that is exactly why I’m giving it a shot starting now. Today. Already did it, but I plan on doing it again. So as soon as you open your eyes, make sure you can fool your brain or convince it, whatever suits you the best, that you’re about to live some insanely happy life. It will follow you around, don’t worry. That’s how powerful you are and remember, you are in control of it, not viceversa. The same with falling asleep, it’s not only healthy but it also relaxes you and makes you fall asleep with a smile on your face. I know I did. 

So remember, people. Surround your sleeping hours with whatever makes you happy and let your imagination make of you the happiest bastard you’ve ever met. I promise you, as soon as you let it happen, you will know you’re in such control of your life, it will seem impossible to feel miserable again. At the final exam of the day, you will feel like scoring 11/10. 

 

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Wanderlust

 

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Always wake up listening to some salsa !

I know, not much of a post starter, but I am going crazy over here. I finally got to sleep like a normal person, fell asleep at 11PM and woke up at 8AM feeling like …. Yes, I think fresh is the word I am looking for. First step for positive thinking successfully installed.

Next step, added some awesome music to my playlist. I don’t know why, but I woke up wanting to groove. Is that weird ? Even if it is, who cares? I’m feeling great. So I danced my way to the third step for my karmic delight. Nothing says Cuba like an awesome coffee,right ? Even if I am in Italy. If life would want this moment to be italian, I’d have some italian gorgeous man lined up the window, shirtless of course. Holding my coffee. Right? Riiiiight.

I guess what I’m trying to say is create a soundtrack for the life you want to live. When you don’t know what kind of music would cheer you up, think of a wonderful place you’d like to visit. Picture the buildings, the beach, the people, the traditional wear…. And then add some music from that magical spot, if that wouldn’t make you smile I don’t know what will ! It’s a small solution for a bad moment but trust me, it definitely works. I took a plane from Cuba to India two minutes ago. I am writting this post in a souk, just because I can.

So stop from whatever you’re doing right now and dream for five minutes. It doesn’t take much, it doesn’t cost a thing, it only requires some imagination and for you to want to relax. I know not everyone is as “busy” as I am nowadays but it sure makes you feel great letting go the real world and entering some magical corner of … whatever floats your boat, my friend.

Isn’t induction wonderful ?

Arrivederci !

 

Never out of words, always out of my head

 

 

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Oh, Rome. You’ve made me so lazy. I feel like a french person trapped in some italian’s body, if that makes any sense. Something about this place that makes you wanna stand still and do nothing, the wine sipping, the great cuisine experience, the tender violin, the wandering. I can’t even bring myself together to write a stupid post. All that sums up the Dolce far niente experience.

Wait, what ? But… I don’t wanna do niente, I can’t live without doing fucking niente. It all sounds wonderful, looks awesome when you think about it, but for how long ? We’re all craving this bohemiam life but can we actually face it ? Can we live like this on a daily basis ? I know artists do it and I also know they are not the happiest human beings. Am I an artist? Is this why I’m sad, cause I’m embracing this term ? I’m confused. 

My friend told me the other day that even though my writing is very good, he can’t help but noticing the sadness between the lines. Am I putting some sort of mask of Janus show and I am not aware of that ? You are what you think and I always saw myself as a bohemiam person, is this what I’m getting right now ? What I wished for, being bohemiam ? Ohhhh joie de vivre, where you at ?! I can only feel better when I write, is this what being an artist feels like ? I know I like to make pain seem like a metaphor, I know I use this negative energy to put life into my words. I think Bukowski would agree with me on this one.

I will call this an epilogue and go back to the awesome ( haha ) person I used to be. Special thanks to Cristian for lifting my spirits up and to Mozart and his wonderful Lacrimosa. 

Watch out, I’m back. 

 

Give me the red light

 

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I feel like I’ve created a pattern of waking up in an awful mood.Yep. I am still surrounded by red furniture. It all has to do with the fact that I realize I wasn’t dreaming. I really am here, with my life all changed and all of my habits dead. After acknowledging that, it gets worse. I’m a bit of a loner when it comes to morning routine, so facing people right after opening my eyes is not exactly my cup of tea when it’s obvious that all I want is my cup of coffee. So I have to beg the little red machine ( what can I say, my mom loves red ) to poison me with life.

Along with my ritual, goes my writing. It’s like the sugar I don’t put in my coffee, cause I like it black and strong ( yes, I am still talking about coffee ).  As we speak, I am listening to Chopin-Notturno in do diesis, which brings an extra spark to this whole dramatic soap opera I am currently living. The really boring kind, don’t get confused. Nothing interesting happens in my soap opera. After each phrase, I look over my shoulder, out the window, cause the weather’s been tricky  these last few weeks, and every day I secretly wish for the sun to stay alive so I can escape the red carcer. The only thing bettter than your mom calling you fat, is that she sends you out to run or walk and tells you not to come back sooner than one hour. Couldn’t agree more !

My cup of coffee is red. Mooooving on.

Before this whole post turns into something dull and useless, let me ask you something : have you ever experienced the feeling of living a meaningless life? Like there is no point at all, whatever you do feels as if a ghost of a real action tries to take place instead of the real thing ? Cause my life is full of ghosts at the moment. No matter how hard I try to stay positive, I’m blue. And combined with the red around me, all I get is purple, and I don’t like purple. My ashtray is purple. Isn’t this just… awesome?

Ok, back to making sense now. How do I get rid of my ghosts? How can I make my actions speak loud and clear, make a point ? ( *looks across the shoulder,neighbour in the balcony wears red pants* ) . I like being lazy, but I also like the struggle. Oh God, I miss the struggle ! The whole working too much thing, the complaints, the not enough money compared to my working hours, the lame co-workers, the pain in my back. I miss being independent, living alone, livin’ la vida loca, or just living ! Now I only exist.

Life’s been throwing me lemons since I got here and all I do is stare at them and let them intoxicate me.

 

It’s ok not to be ok

 

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Ciao, ragazzi ( progress, you gotta love it ). Before I get into my topic, I would like to talk a bit about my choice of writing, and not just that, but publishing my thoughts as well. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t show emotion, if something bothers me I just let it hang in there, until I turn into a … something you don’t wanna face, for sure. Turns out writing calms my nervs, talking about it makes it easier, but that doesn’t exclude the fact that some things are hard for me to discuss… like the point I’m about to make. I will call it a reveal, though.

I am not who I used to be. I was always sarcastic, funny ( haha? I guess ), outgoing, friendly. I never had the perfect body, but now that I look back, I am kinda craving for what I had before. That’s right. I gained weight like someone who loves sugar more than oxygen and trust me, I don’t. It’s just an emotional thing and I am working my way out of it, it’s not an eating disorder, it’s more of a …. brain, we need to break up, you no longer like me. But that is not the topic, me complaining about it.

Superficiality is the topic. I used to be superficial, I think I still am, since I don’t want to accept myself. And no wonder I don’t want to ! When such changes happen in your life, you face something else, that weights more than your body… rejection. Ok, I will accept a big “no” for several reasons, but this is just crazy. And this isn’t a cry for attention, it’s an alert.

You people out there, you should never blame yourselves if someone doesn’t want you. I am not saying you should settle for less, but if you’re not someone’s idea of perfect, I am pretty sure someone else out there finds you amazing. I’ve been fighting too much against myself, I forgot I am actually turning into my own problem, instead of becoming someone who fights the problems. I forgot to be my own warrior, just because some people were too busy trying to destroy my morals. Why did I ever help them ? Maybe because at one point I agreed… But if I don’t stand up for myself, who will ? If you reject yourself too, there will be no one left to prove you wrong, and this isn’t just about looks anymore, this is about everything that makes one self-conscious. If some people don’t want you, please don’t be a part of them. If you want to change and improve, please do it. But never for someone else, you know what happens when you change for those around you? At one point you will get tired of it, you will find yourself in a place you don’t recognize.

No. Today is about you. And tomorrow, and every other day that follows. A phoenix ( as known ) doesn’t need someone else to light him on fire and regenerate, turn into something new all over again. So why would you ?

 

P.S.  This post stands for myself as well

Oh, what a lovely weather !

 

                                                       

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Hello, Upper East Siders ! Haha just kidding, but it’s still your only source on the…. errmm… something of Rome’s… fine living… ? I have no idea what I’m doing, I honestly just woke up and wanted to write, turns out I can’t even type right before my coffee kicks in ( rewind, delete, write like a normal person,not a toddler,attagirl). Ok, so today we be talkin’, hustlers ! 

Do you ever gossip ? I think it’s in our DNA to have strong opinions, such things build a character, a great personality, a pleasant or not so fun to be around attitude. But our opinions won’t stop crawling out of our mouths, just because we stopped talking about objects, and moved to living things. I believe that talking about other people happens on two levels of communication : 

1. You just met someone in a group, you find out there’s a person you have in common ( that is obviously not there ) so in order to bound, you share your opinions regarding the missing person, like you’re about to complete a highly requested FBI file. That’s because is suddenly considered lame to discuss hobbies, or simply ask “So what do you enjoy doing?”. Chitchat.

2. The person you talk to is a super close friend and you both have a vendetta against that missing person. Hope the vendetta won’t actually turn him/her into a missing person for real, we all know what happens when friends have a common ideal, it could turn into a serious Big Bang. 

I know I’ve done it, I know you’ve done it as well, several times. 

Talking about others is the new weather topic. You know you talk about the sunny,beautiful day when there is nothing to worry about, and everyone’s your friend and you wish them well. It definitely starts raining when you suddenly remember something and share that one little fact, that’s about to make it pour. Congrats, you’ve just created a storm. In this case, carrying an umbrella won’t help you, but it will sure help if you keep your head up and walk through the whole thing. If you don’t pay attention when walking in the rain, you might slip, fall, and you don’t want that, do you ? But don’t mind the drops. Even if it sounds like they’re dropping bombs.

But then again…. no one ever complained to a friend about that someone who is just so nice and never hurt anyone and minds his own business. And this gossip thing will never stop, that would mean you’re doing it wrong and pleasing everybody. And that, my friend…. is what points out your strong personality. 

XOXO

 

Losing myself, finding my alter ego

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Today something wonderful happened to me. After a ” I can’t take it anymore ” moment, I decided it was time for my daily walk. With the music in my ears and an empty road in front of me, I started walking and thinking about decisions, stupid life facts, stuff like that. Before I knew it, I arrived at my usual break spot, where I’d sit, have a cigarette and then go back home. Today I was like ” fuck it, I’m going further “. One step after another, I left places I knew and somehow started to feel better. Going into something I never tried before, made me feel… free.
Ok, so here I am, walking and walking, at one point I even thought of going back but no, a part of me wanted to just keep on walking. After another twenty minutes, I realized I passed by the same bar again. That’s when it hit me : I am lost, and not just that, I am walking in circles ! I smiled like an idiot and just kept on walking, like nothing was wrong. No panic, no nothing, I knew there has to be a way for me to find the way back home, but I was not looking for it. Ok, Rome. You wanna play ? Let’s play then. So I played my Tarantella . How do you like this for a feedback ? There I was, not giving a damn, enjoying my time, smiling at strangers when I suddenly noticed the ” break spot “. I couldn’t believe it, without knowing, I managed to find my way back home ! I know it sounds stupid, but for me that was the moment when I realized I left my comfort zone, the moment I decided to step in and take chances, risk a little. That’s how I learned that when you get lost, life has a strange way of showing you things will get better. When you stop asking for directions and just breath, see what happens, go with the flow, without trying to change facts, THAT is when changes occur.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t panic when things got difficult. For the first time ever, I waited to see what’s gonna happen next. For the first time since I moved here, I knew what I had to do in order to feel better. You don’t just have to think outside the box… You need to step out of it, grab it and throw it at those who say you’re weak.

No roses, just guns

           Hello, my night readers. Girl on the move’s been lazy lately, but her mind kept on working. I had some thoughts tonight, while listening to one of my ” I can’t live without it” songs. Now that I think about it, it’s not a bad idea letting my cynical side…aside. I know I wrote about fake soulmates, and fake many other things, but there is always one person that makes us challenge our brain, our heart… makes you work for it. We are all attention seekers, and I make no exception. I’m here, you’re there… What should I do, since I don’t have you?

          Well, my beloved … First of all, I write my feelings down. I am not good at facing people or facts, I’m a maniac and you know that. I write in such a way, that I doubt my sanity. If I write, means you’ve managed somehow to spare some of your precious time and let me know I exist. That makes me thrill, and thrill makes me convince words to make love to each other. My words are making love, because we’re not. Since I don’t have you, I must listen to their moans instead of mine.

         I drink my pain away. Why do I do that? Cause courage is one thing I’m lacking, I’ve missed that lesson and life has given me another one : ways to find courage. I can see how my words are mocking me, letting me know you will read all this. So what? Since I don’t have you, doesn’t really matter. If you know it’s all about you, means I did a hell of a great job, if not… I shouldn’t stop drinking about you. 

        

Let us preach

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Once again, I salute you with a “long time,no see” on my mind. I was supposed to write this post days ago, referring to the beautiful spots in Rome. I kind of gave up on that thought when I realized I wasn’t in the mood to write about pretty things and upcoming happiness. So I just waited for the inspiration to kick me, instead. It never did. I am not inspired at the moment, but filled with emotions of all kind. I took the liberty to think too much about things that aren’t facts and that brought me here, to prove once again that I did my time and it’s time for new things.

Soulmate. Two beautiful words rolled into one. The word itself represents fullness, one must work really hard to fulfill this union. What if we actually met this soulmate and said a big “no” to him, or what if you’re going to meet him when the timing is bad or when you’re even running out of time? What if the beautiful word already belongs to someone else? Italians have two words for you, that are not united but sound really eliberating …. Lascia perdere. Thinking about facts can drive you insane, defining them will make it impossible for you to come back. And you know why ? Because defining a person, an action, is nothing but temporary. You use words to describe a smile that’s been caused by something, it was not a 23 years old smile. You also use them to describe, maybe, a fight. That fight occured, it was not trapped in space and time, happening forever. So you definitely can’t judge the existance of a soulmate based on gestures, actions, a sing-along moment. If anything, the definition that will stand forever, is the one that stands at the very end. So will a soulmate. If it was a hell of a good one, you won’t need to define it. You’ll just remember facts while still enjoying it. Expecting to know everything about a person just because you need a definition in order to enjoy it ( you being clueless in this case ) reminds me of those who go on youtube searching “Beethoven best of”, cause they don’t know anything about it, they don’t know what they’re looking for, what they want. They just want it. Because someone told them is something you must enjoy. I know one thing…. I will always go for Tchaïkovski.