I’m not moving on

I am well aware of the fact that my writing has abandoned me, I guess I’ve been so confused I didn’t know what to write about, where to begin and how to end all of this. Long story short, I thought that I had nothing to say. The reason I decided to write something today is because I felt the need to take a load off, now I understand people with diaries ; when things get hard, they open their little notebooks and write down their feelings in a confessional manner. I don’t have a diary, but I have a blog, or so I used to.

In order to feel complete, I had this constant need to fill in a puzzle. At times it felt like brain surgery and so are those other moments when I just felt blessed for having a perspective for my future and a few other things to enjoy in the present. As a note to self, I will underline the fact that I’ve never stopped playing with fire. I know I’m getting burned, I can even point out the area that is getting burned and I’m still going for it. Some might say that makes me stronger, others will say that I’m just a fool. I say that I made a habit out of being responsible for my own misery. I always push it to the limit like my life depends on it and once I’ve reached that limit I’m asking “Why me?” .

When you’re the one destroying your fairytale, you’re basically stealing from yourself. I stole my right to be happy and my whole universe. But where do you hide when your universe is running away from you ? There’s nothing left but the black hole pulling you in. And you allow it, the inertia this situation puts you through is so big, you can’t even tell that you might not find the way out.

Achieving your goals has no meaning when on the other hand you just start losing things. Or people. Or people that make all the things around you beautiful.  I’m sorry I’m stubborn and selfish. I can’t push people into making my thoughts reality. Oh, now I know that. Too little, too late.

I hope he reads this.


2 thoughts on “I’m not moving on

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