I want to resurrect this blog, as it was the only thing that kept me going through my first long months here in Rome. I don’t want to blame lack of time, I think it was just a matter of “I got nothing to say”. But even though my posts had weeks between them, I couldn’t help but notice that the bloggers following me kept increasing, those who appreciated my writing never delayed to appear and do it one more time, and the good comments kept rolling. This was just a proof, mostly to myself, that the quality of writing has, well, not a lot to do with the frequency of one’s posting new stuff.
I can write in only two states of mind : I’m either extremely depressed or utterly happy. In the past few months I wasn’t really secure of what’s going on, hence the big biiiiiig pause. I gotta say, quality really does get born of one’s sweat,tears and blood. I’ve never meant to be mediocre and write about stuff that everyone could notice. No, as far as I’m concerned, my intention was to point out what you, as a reader, were going through but couldn’t tell, and explain it in a brutal yet effective fashion. And so I thought that it was time for me to lay down and enjoy/see what life has to offer before starting to understand you again.
I’m a people person. I cry when someone is in pain and I cry as well when someone’s happy. Emotion makes me emotional, yes, especially if it comes from someone else. This makes me very vulnerable, a target even, but I couldn’t care less. I don’t want to seem a rock just to make people fear my thoughts, I’m more of a sponge who absorbs feelings. This is who I was my entire life and I’m not chancing because some people might think of me as a fool. And to be fair, I can’t change, this is what I’m made of, why should I be afraid to be sensitive? Even if I wanted to, I’d be just like a Grinch pretending to hate when deep down I’m as soft as a marshmellow. And I like marshmellows, they’re yummy. We’re so afraid to show emotion because of what people might think of us, we’ve becomed unreachable. So desperate not to show pain, we forgot we’re suffering and we carry on to our baggage forgetting how much it weights and how to be happy again. So scared of failure, we’re counting our steps as we proceed.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we’d all switch on our emotions outside our apartments ? When someone does something wrong, absurdly wrong, we call that person an animal. What a compliment that is ! That person couldn’t be more far from being an animal, because at least them live according to their feelings even if they can’t rationalize things. And we can do both, feel and rationalize. So I’m asking you… Why not combine those two things ? A little bit of this and a little bit of that makes a beautiful whole.
I’d rather inspire 5 people with my emotions than make 100 fear me with my lack of sensitivity, that’s all I’m saying. In all aspects of life.