La dolce vita

It’s been almost a year.

I won’t panic. I won’t think about people that I left home and that I’m desperately missing.

I won’t talk about how hard it is.

Today is about me, this brand new concept that I’ve never met before. The person I used to admire when I was looking at someone else. I am that person now.

Few months ago I said to myself ” be the type of person you’d love to have around, hang out with” and so that’s what I became. Happiness is definitely a roller coaster and I knew it from the start that better days were about to come.

We’re in charge of our own destiny, we all know that but I’ve always had this major problem : I expect others to make me happy, not in the regular way, it’s actually quite simple : I need constant human contact. This is what makes me happy, having people around me that are easy going, trigger people’s emotions with what I have to say, taking care of other’s. I don’t want them to do things for me, I want them to let me do things for them. This could be the least selfish thing about me.

It gives me a great load of satisfaction knowing that you are standing by my side and you’re wishing for the moment not to end. I managed to mix who I am with what I love doing, most of the people I know have trouble in finding a balance and I don’t blame them, we often take life for granted and expect to receive. Turns out that I can only receive once I start giving away, I suppose that’s the secret.

One year here turned me into half of the person that I’ve always wanted to become. It helped me build dreams around me. This is why I always mention on this blog that we’re supposed to move once we’re not content. Living in Rome taught me that it’s fine having dinner on your own, wandering around and getting lost, having too much gelato, smiling at people, not being afraid of meeting new ones. I’ve learned that the city is big enough for me to make a mistake or two, big enough to get lost and allow others to find you.

No one here can say my name right. Back home, Ioana is just a common name, 5 out of 10 girls are named Ioana. Here I’m special, they can barely pronounce it and they make it sound so unique that actually influences my entire being, I’ve started feeling special from head to toe thanks to finally acknowledging that starting fresh is what brought me here in the first place. If I’m seen as someone special, why shouldn’t I become special ?

And so I did. The most special person in my life, living in my never ending Roman holiday, being happy when others are happy, feeling grateful that those around me want me to be there and stay for as long as I can, I am my significant other. Others are just passengers in my boat and I’m the one crossing them over, they’re not in my boat because I need their help to cross the sea. I just help them appreciate the journey. Waves, wind, storm, sun, it’s all in there.

Girl on the move will never stop moving. But she finally moved on.


4 thoughts on “La dolce vita

  1. The people I know are divided into two groups: Those who don’t understand how hard it really is to move on and as a result, push and push for you to get on with it and those who could not possibly do so.
    The journey of moving on is both painful, yet cathartic, as you have experienced. Each glimpse back reminds you of what might have been with yearning and nostalgia, yet looking to the future, although sometimes frighteningly free-fall-ish, seems, at a certain point, to be more of what you were meant to be than what might have been ever was.
    My hat’s off to you, my dear. Shine on.

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